Heybabeimwearingurpanties
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
