He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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