dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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