i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
