just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My penis needs a shock collar
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
wow bdsm is so cute
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
