We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
