he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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