hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
