now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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