I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
