I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
