I'm going to jail i love you
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
