We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
