she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
