the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
