what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
