look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
