I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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