We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
