Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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