The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
