We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
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