im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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