Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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