the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Lo siento on account of my penis...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize