party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I didn't notice because vodka
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
