There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize