Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
