I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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