i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she smelled like a LAN party
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize