guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
