dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
