dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
