Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize