Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
