Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
