threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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