I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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