Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
