By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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