She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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