If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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