i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
