A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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