her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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