do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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