piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
