Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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