i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
