Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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