dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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