When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
