Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
