she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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