I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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