i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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