thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
she told me i tasted like america
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
