Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
