I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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