You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
