Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
