ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
