Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
