Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
