I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
