So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
