I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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