What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
