mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
