Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
