Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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