After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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