I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
