11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
