Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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