oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
