nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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